...how if I painted my face blue, global warming would stop

... and how millions of people don’t have access to water or flushing toilets.

This included all 177,000 of us.

Beside the main stage was one small windmill which as far as I could see turned at the same speed all weekend no matter what happened to the wind speed.

I'm not an expert but I'm sure these things are supposed to spin faster if its windy and I'm sure the huge PA and lights can't have been running off that alone.

In an area called 'trash city', there was a huge lump of metal which spouted 20 foot flames every few seconds and a bunch of scantily clad lovelies with gas bottles connected to them, shooting flames all over the place. At this point I was struggling with the whole zero carbon thing.

It was Spinal tap who really summed it up though. David St. Hubbins the front man of the tap introduced their classic number 'hotter than hell' by saying “for the next three minutes let's think about global warming and then let's get drunk”.

I got the distinct feeling that most of us did care about the planet and the global warming crisis at the beginning of the day but the lure of pear cider was much stronger.

After a few of them, nobody gave a toss about anything let alone the future of the planet.